I want to write something, but I'm in a slump and can't think of anything. So I went back and found a note I wrote a little over a year ago:
It's almost the end of the school year! It's crazy thinking about it. I can't believe tomorrow's my last TAKS test ever!! Taking those things since 4th grade makes me want to scream. But, hey, it's life. Speaking of life. I'm in for an amazing ride. Ya'll don't have to agree or disagree. These are the facts and opinions I'm facing. Writing by hand is killing me due to AP Lang, ACT, and SAT, so typing it is:
God's doing something. I don't know what, but He is. I've had this constant remind of death lately. I don't know why, but I am. It's a scary thought. I want eternal life with God, but it's just weird knowing all this is temporary and people overly abuse what they have. People get so caught up in their lives and their drama. It's sickening. We're supposed to make this world a better place; we just make it worse. None of the 'go green' projects really make an impact (they may a little but not a lot). Water is in a constant cycle! It will never diminish. What IS diminishing is the faith of this world.
Today after the science TAKS I heard constant debate over religion. It's starting to get peevish. It's the same people, the same subject, and the same arguments. Now, don't get me wrong. I love the fact that these people have a passion for their faith, as we all should, but arguing the same thing over and over again gets us no where. I have the wonderful opportunity to travel to Ethiopia this summer. Boy, am I ever so stoked! We've been advised to stray from arguments (political and religious) and anything that doesn't show the true nature of Jesus Christ. We can't further God's kingdom by forcing our beliefs on someone. We have to show love, accept people for who they are, and KINDLY tell them about Jesus and what He has done for us. He died out of love.
But, this "love" has become a misconstrued concept in today's society. I myself have used it out of the context God intended it for. However, I'm now seeing it in a different light. Without love, no one can truly be accepted. Without love, Jesus is never seen. Without love, we can't survive. As Christians we are failing to show the love that Christ gave us. People see us as judgmental-Gandhi would have become a Christian had it not been for the Christians (think about that). I'm no saint, but there are people out there who are two faced and pain me. I want to cry every time I see them. No one's anywhere near perfection, but we need to strive for it.
I've watched "born again" Christians almost every day of my life do things that shock me beyond belief- or at least hear them talk of what they've done. I still love them, but it hurts to know that they're okay with what they've done. They don't care; they don't regret it; they don't even notice. It makes me doubt myself sometimes. Is Christianity the right thing? Is there something I'm missing?
I know God is going to use our generation some way and some how. We need to be ready for it. Who knows when the second coming is. It could be today; it could be next week; it could be in ten years. Yes, I shouldn't worry, but I do. Truth is, I'm scared. I don't want to mess up and find myself somewhere I don't want to be. I've got to have faith and trust in the unseen. We all do. I don't fully understand what God's trying to press upon my heart. However, I do know that He wants to use me in a big way, whether it be at school, downtown, or overseas. I want to follow His will and His alone. Not mine. Not yours. His and His alone.
"All of us are sinners. True Christians are repentant sinners. And God’s grace is mighty to save us and change us – every one of us and every part of us." (Definitely something I need to be reminded of each and every day.)
In Christ,
Tori
