I want to write something, but I'm in a slump and can't think of anything. So I went back and found a note I wrote a little over a year ago:
It's almost the end of the school year! It's crazy thinking about it. I can't believe tomorrow's my last TAKS test ever!! Taking those things since 4th grade makes me want to scream. But, hey, it's life. Speaking of life. I'm in for an amazing ride. Ya'll don't have to agree or disagree. These are the facts and opinions I'm facing. Writing by hand is killing me due to AP Lang, ACT, and SAT, so typing it is:
God's doing something. I don't know what, but He is. I've had this constant remind of death lately. I don't know why, but I am. It's a scary thought. I want eternal life with God, but it's just weird knowing all this is temporary and people overly abuse what they have. People get so caught up in their lives and their drama. It's sickening. We're supposed to make this world a better place; we just make it worse. None of the 'go green' projects really make an impact (they may a little but not a lot). Water is in a constant cycle! It will never diminish. What IS diminishing is the faith of this world.
Today after the science TAKS I heard constant debate over religion. It's starting to get peevish. It's the same people, the same subject, and the same arguments. Now, don't get me wrong. I love the fact that these people have a passion for their faith, as we all should, but arguing the same thing over and over again gets us no where. I have the wonderful opportunity to travel to Ethiopia this summer. Boy, am I ever so stoked! We've been advised to stray from arguments (political and religious) and anything that doesn't show the true nature of Jesus Christ. We can't further God's kingdom by forcing our beliefs on someone. We have to show love, accept people for who they are, and KINDLY tell them about Jesus and what He has done for us. He died out of love.
But, this "love" has become a misconstrued concept in today's society. I myself have used it out of the context God intended it for. However, I'm now seeing it in a different light. Without love, no one can truly be accepted. Without love, Jesus is never seen. Without love, we can't survive. As Christians we are failing to show the love that Christ gave us. People see us as judgmental-Gandhi would have become a Christian had it not been for the Christians (think about that). I'm no saint, but there are people out there who are two faced and pain me. I want to cry every time I see them. No one's anywhere near perfection, but we need to strive for it.
I've watched "born again" Christians almost every day of my life do things that shock me beyond belief- or at least hear them talk of what they've done. I still love them, but it hurts to know that they're okay with what they've done. They don't care; they don't regret it; they don't even notice. It makes me doubt myself sometimes. Is Christianity the right thing? Is there something I'm missing?
I know God is going to use our generation some way and some how. We need to be ready for it. Who knows when the second coming is. It could be today; it could be next week; it could be in ten years. Yes, I shouldn't worry, but I do. Truth is, I'm scared. I don't want to mess up and find myself somewhere I don't want to be. I've got to have faith and trust in the unseen. We all do. I don't fully understand what God's trying to press upon my heart. However, I do know that He wants to use me in a big way, whether it be at school, downtown, or overseas. I want to follow His will and His alone. Not mine. Not yours. His and His alone.
"All of us are sinners. True Christians are repentant sinners. And God’s grace is mighty to save us and change us – every one of us and every part of us." (Definitely something I need to be reminded of each and every day.)
In Christ,
Tori
Monday, May 9, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Jars of Clay
This Friday is a big day for everyone. It marks the day our Lord Jesus Christ took all our sins upon himself 2000 years ago. He died for us! He became beaten and broken for us. Us lowly sinners, people who do no deserve what he did for us. As true as that all is, Friday marks something else for me.
Heart surgery.
No, it isn't open heart. It's a standard procedure that anyone with supraventricular tachycardia can get instead of having to take medicine the rest of their life. My doctor will place probes through my legs into my heart in order to get a better picture of where my extra pacemaker cells are and burn a small portion of them. For me, this is going to be my saving grace; I forget to take medicine when it's prescribed for long periods of time.
I've had SVT for a while, but it hasn't bothered me until now. My senior year, the year everything should be perfect; however, it's put me through a roller coaster ride. But it's been worth it. I've been able to meet some incredible doctors, realize I'm not who I thought I was, and rely on God a lot more. Being someone who wants to go into the medical field, it's hard for me to learn that I have a health condition. Sure, SVT isn't the deadliest thing out there to have, but to me, a 17 year old senior about to head out to college, it's pretty scary. I want to be the person helping other people out of their issues, not vice versa. I don't want to have my parents feel like something may happen at any possible second. And I definitely don't want to be kept from doing something I love because of a medical problem.
I've had to accept the fact that it's okay to have another medical issue on top of everything else being thrown at me this year; it's nothing to be ashamed of. God created me just the way he intended to, and I can't change that. He does things to make us grow. We are the clay, and he is the potter:
God has made us to where we have to learn to get through life. We can't just breeze through it and end up standing in Heaven without a few trials and errors on our behalves. We have to be broken, shattered if you will, to pieces and be put back together again. We have to be at our most vulnerable point and realize that without him, we can't be whole. He is the only one who can put us back together again by placing us in the kiln. We have to go through fire in order to be where God wants us. Remember, God hasn't made any mistakes; he just wants to tweak his designs a little.
I hope ya'll have a great Easter holiday. Don't forget: It's not all about the chocolate bunnies, marshmallow peeps, and dyed eggs. It's about God, his love for us, and his willingness to send his son to die.
Feliz Semana Santa,
Tori
Heart surgery.
No, it isn't open heart. It's a standard procedure that anyone with supraventricular tachycardia can get instead of having to take medicine the rest of their life. My doctor will place probes through my legs into my heart in order to get a better picture of where my extra pacemaker cells are and burn a small portion of them. For me, this is going to be my saving grace; I forget to take medicine when it's prescribed for long periods of time.
I've had SVT for a while, but it hasn't bothered me until now. My senior year, the year everything should be perfect; however, it's put me through a roller coaster ride. But it's been worth it. I've been able to meet some incredible doctors, realize I'm not who I thought I was, and rely on God a lot more. Being someone who wants to go into the medical field, it's hard for me to learn that I have a health condition. Sure, SVT isn't the deadliest thing out there to have, but to me, a 17 year old senior about to head out to college, it's pretty scary. I want to be the person helping other people out of their issues, not vice versa. I don't want to have my parents feel like something may happen at any possible second. And I definitely don't want to be kept from doing something I love because of a medical problem.
I've had to accept the fact that it's okay to have another medical issue on top of everything else being thrown at me this year; it's nothing to be ashamed of. God created me just the way he intended to, and I can't change that. He does things to make us grow. We are the clay, and he is the potter:
God has made us to where we have to learn to get through life. We can't just breeze through it and end up standing in Heaven without a few trials and errors on our behalves. We have to be broken, shattered if you will, to pieces and be put back together again. We have to be at our most vulnerable point and realize that without him, we can't be whole. He is the only one who can put us back together again by placing us in the kiln. We have to go through fire in order to be where God wants us. Remember, God hasn't made any mistakes; he just wants to tweak his designs a little.
Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
-Isaiah 64:8
I hope ya'll have a great Easter holiday. Don't forget: It's not all about the chocolate bunnies, marshmallow peeps, and dyed eggs. It's about God, his love for us, and his willingness to send his son to die.
Feliz Semana Santa,
Tori
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
It never runs out on me.
I was a lost boy, and Wendy was taking us (all twelve of us) to London. We were leaving Neverland forever so we could grow up and be real Englishmen. We all climbed cheerily out of our underground hide-out and up through the tree-trunk that served as our doorway. I was the fourth or so to emerge, but, as I did, I saw Captain Hook hiding in wait, and, terrified, I bolted down the steps. As I did, I went down too quickly and my foot missed the step. I landed with all of my force just past the thick, pulled-back red curtains.
Yes, I was in a theatrical production of one of my all-time favorite stories, Peter Pan, and just before the end of Act II, I fell off a a prop piece. I would find out later that night that I had broken my foot. Five days later, I would go to the doctor and learn that it was a clean fracture that would heal quickly without a cast. But as for those five days? Those were the five longest days of my life.
It wasn't just breaking my foot. That was just the tip of the iceberg. My relationships with people were in a dangerous place, and I was beginning to lose my faith in humanity. I am not going to lie or make this pretty either--this happened at the end of January and I'm still struggling with trusting people now at the end of March. But the most beautiful thing we can do in our adolescence is lose faith in people. By doing that, we can begin to trust God within people. And I don't just mean Christians when I say that. C.S. Lewis, in his spiritual magnum-opus (I can get away with calling it that, right?), Mere Christianity, presents his idea of a universal moral code present inside all of us, guiding us to do the right thing. I wonder now who put that within us?
We have to stop trusting people, and instead look for God in people. But I digress, that isn't what I'm dedicating this post to. My greatest problem was that I had spent so much time looking to people, trusting people, having faith in people that honestly, I wasn't looking to God's love. And as I laid in my bed, my fractured foot elevated on a pillow, I cried out to Him quietly. I was at one of the lowest points of my life, and I needed to know He was still there for me.
That week, and the weeks that followed, and to this very day, God has been doing something incredible. As I lay there immobile, I gradually began to sense it stronger and stronger. It was God's love, and He was explaining to me in His eloquent and quiet way, straight to my heart, the power and intensity of His love. I was finally beginning to understand in a deeper way what it meant to be truly loved.
Weeks later, after many things were sorted out, I bought Jesus Culture's newest record, Come Away. There is a song on it called "One Thing Remains", and the first time I listened to the lyrics, really listened to them, I knew it was everything that God had been saying to me. "Your love never fails//Never gives up//Never runs out on me."
My love has failed others, and their love has failed me, but I realized this year what unfailing love looks like. It doesn't matter what we do, what we look like, where we have come from. It doesn't matter who likes us, who takes care of us, who comes to greet us, who leaves us forever. There is no circumstance that could ever cause God's love to fail you. God does not look down at someone who mistreats you and say, "Maybe they're right. Maybe there is something unworthy about my child. Maybe I should not love them quite so much." God's love does not give out on you. You cannot exhaust Him. His love will never run out.
God's love is infinite. There is not a point of time or area in your life where it begins to wear thin. "It goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on."
He loves you, and He's never letting His love for you go. :)
And because He loves us, we can love others fearlessly. We can trust. It isn't that we're trusting sin, or the demonic problems people are facing, we're trusting that as we obey and follow the Law of Love, God is going to protect us and guide us. He is leading us in the way we need to go. Because He has put His love in our hearts, we are called to love others with that same love. God is teaching us to love, and because we've come in contact with the God-kind of love, we are obligated to go out and express, share it, teach it. We need to let others know what it looks like and why we've chosen to love--and why we are able to love.
Be unafraid. One thing will remain after all things pass away. It is stronger than the power of the grave. It overcame the grave. And if you have accepted Christ, then that power, that precious love of God, dwells in you. And His love will never run out for you.
He will not give up on you.
In Him,
-Hannah
Yes, I was in a theatrical production of one of my all-time favorite stories, Peter Pan, and just before the end of Act II, I fell off a a prop piece. I would find out later that night that I had broken my foot. Five days later, I would go to the doctor and learn that it was a clean fracture that would heal quickly without a cast. But as for those five days? Those were the five longest days of my life.
It wasn't just breaking my foot. That was just the tip of the iceberg. My relationships with people were in a dangerous place, and I was beginning to lose my faith in humanity. I am not going to lie or make this pretty either--this happened at the end of January and I'm still struggling with trusting people now at the end of March. But the most beautiful thing we can do in our adolescence is lose faith in people. By doing that, we can begin to trust God within people. And I don't just mean Christians when I say that. C.S. Lewis, in his spiritual magnum-opus (I can get away with calling it that, right?), Mere Christianity, presents his idea of a universal moral code present inside all of us, guiding us to do the right thing. I wonder now who put that within us?
We have to stop trusting people, and instead look for God in people. But I digress, that isn't what I'm dedicating this post to. My greatest problem was that I had spent so much time looking to people, trusting people, having faith in people that honestly, I wasn't looking to God's love. And as I laid in my bed, my fractured foot elevated on a pillow, I cried out to Him quietly. I was at one of the lowest points of my life, and I needed to know He was still there for me.
That week, and the weeks that followed, and to this very day, God has been doing something incredible. As I lay there immobile, I gradually began to sense it stronger and stronger. It was God's love, and He was explaining to me in His eloquent and quiet way, straight to my heart, the power and intensity of His love. I was finally beginning to understand in a deeper way what it meant to be truly loved.
Weeks later, after many things were sorted out, I bought Jesus Culture's newest record, Come Away. There is a song on it called "One Thing Remains", and the first time I listened to the lyrics, really listened to them, I knew it was everything that God had been saying to me. "Your love never fails//Never gives up//Never runs out on me."
My love has failed others, and their love has failed me, but I realized this year what unfailing love looks like. It doesn't matter what we do, what we look like, where we have come from. It doesn't matter who likes us, who takes care of us, who comes to greet us, who leaves us forever. There is no circumstance that could ever cause God's love to fail you. God does not look down at someone who mistreats you and say, "Maybe they're right. Maybe there is something unworthy about my child. Maybe I should not love them quite so much." God's love does not give out on you. You cannot exhaust Him. His love will never run out.
God's love is infinite. There is not a point of time or area in your life where it begins to wear thin. "It goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on."
He loves you, and He's never letting His love for you go. :)
And because He loves us, we can love others fearlessly. We can trust. It isn't that we're trusting sin, or the demonic problems people are facing, we're trusting that as we obey and follow the Law of Love, God is going to protect us and guide us. He is leading us in the way we need to go. Because He has put His love in our hearts, we are called to love others with that same love. God is teaching us to love, and because we've come in contact with the God-kind of love, we are obligated to go out and express, share it, teach it. We need to let others know what it looks like and why we've chosen to love--and why we are able to love.
Be unafraid. One thing will remain after all things pass away. It is stronger than the power of the grave. It overcame the grave. And if you have accepted Christ, then that power, that precious love of God, dwells in you. And His love will never run out for you.
He will not give up on you.
In Him,
-Hannah
Sunday, March 20, 2011
"Why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need." jf
This is short, sweet, and concise; it's been on my mind for a while now, but I can't ever think of how to properly word it:
Today is the last day of spring break. Tomorrow everything goes back to 'normal.' Tomorrow everything starts going downhill toward graduation. And I'm having terrible bittersweet emotions about it all: I'm ready to get out into the world. I'm ready to learn how to be an occupational therapist. I'm ready to be the missionary God wants me to be. But, I'm not ready for change. I'm not ready to leave everything I know again. I'm not ready to grow up and be an adult. I have my doubts, I have my worries, and I have my concerns. However, Jesus tells us not to worry. "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life" (Luke 12:25)?
Sure, we need to be concerned about how we live out lives, especially for Jesus. But, we don't need to worry about the little things in life. We need to head through each day with out best foot forward and give everything our best shot. We have to live life in the present moments and not look back to the past or look to far in advance. This is all hard to remember--trust me.
We have to put our trust in God that He'll take us through each and every day, that He'll be there for us every step of the way, that He'll continually give us direction even if we don't see it. "Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them" (Luke 12:24). There's no need to worry. No need to fear.
As you may have figured out, I look visual representations for 'lessons' or points:
Jon Foreman's "Your Love is Strong"-
JJ Heller's "All I Need"-
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
In Christ,
Tori
Today is the last day of spring break. Tomorrow everything goes back to 'normal.' Tomorrow everything starts going downhill toward graduation. And I'm having terrible bittersweet emotions about it all: I'm ready to get out into the world. I'm ready to learn how to be an occupational therapist. I'm ready to be the missionary God wants me to be. But, I'm not ready for change. I'm not ready to leave everything I know again. I'm not ready to grow up and be an adult. I have my doubts, I have my worries, and I have my concerns. However, Jesus tells us not to worry. "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life" (Luke 12:25)?
Sure, we need to be concerned about how we live out lives, especially for Jesus. But, we don't need to worry about the little things in life. We need to head through each day with out best foot forward and give everything our best shot. We have to live life in the present moments and not look back to the past or look to far in advance. This is all hard to remember--trust me.
We have to put our trust in God that He'll take us through each and every day, that He'll be there for us every step of the way, that He'll continually give us direction even if we don't see it. "Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them" (Luke 12:24). There's no need to worry. No need to fear.
As you may have figured out, I look visual representations for 'lessons' or points:
Jon Foreman's "Your Love is Strong"-
JJ Heller's "All I Need"-
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
In Christ,
Tori
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
The Numbers
When times like these arrive, no matter where we are, we need to know how to respond. This year has proved to be world changing already. The revolutions in Egypt, Libya and Tunisia rising up and with the natural disasters in New Zealand and in Japan have made their mark on history and we're only in the middle of it. On Friday a tsunami struck Japan with devastating force and I've felt a need to write about it. If you have not heard or want to know more please go check out some media, they're more than willing to help.These days we hear a lot about a lot of big numbers and we grow numb to the volume of devastation. According to the internet the death toll in Japan is 2,734 people and at least 3,743 more are missing. In addition to this, there are high fears of nuclear dangers that will have lasting affects on the nation. I don't know what more to say really, I feel like all this speaks for its self. It's awful, absolutely awful. Thousands of homes have been washed away, neighborhoods just gone. Here's something I want you to see though: some before and after satellite shots.
How do we respond to this? What do we who have no connection do? Honestly, prayer is powerful. As strange as it feels to us at times, God loves to see people praying in faith. I want to encourage you to pray for the people in Japan, the ones missing and the people who are mourning, the people who are left to take care of families and the people searching.
If you feel like it or feel called, Samaritan's Purse is a ministry who was quickly at work in relief of the disaster. Friday they are sending a load of aid to help and a donation of any size would be very helpful.
In the wake of these disasters and wars I can't help from feeling great hope and assurance of something. While He was on earth Jesus spoke of when He would come back and this is what He said:
"...nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and in various places
there will be famines and earthquakes..." (Matt 24:7)
I suggest you read that whole chapter.So please keep all these things in your prays, these are desperate times.
Come, Lord Jesus, come!
Michael
Monday, February 28, 2011
True Love
The other day I found the following printout on the computer desk. I don't know who printed it or where it came from, but it made me smile--and tear. I guess I should point out that this is directly toward you female readers...but, guys, God has an unending love for you as well; you're just as much a part of Christ's bride as any one else.
How can a woman not love the Lord?
I encourage you to print out the list and place it somewhere you'll accidentally come across it, i.e. a journal, the crevices of your junk drawer, or between the pages of your Bible. I know I find encouragement notes in the most bizarre places, but they're always the perfect thing for the moment. So maybe you'll do the same.
I know Valentine's day has come and gone, but we should never cease to show love-agape, storge, etc.- to others around us. And in the times you don't feel appreciated, remember God is always there for you.
"God is love."
-Tori
How can a woman not love the Lord?
- He is a gentleman
- He is confident
- He is a provider and protector
- He is rich and powerful
- He owns everything, there is nothing He wouldn't do for me
- He perfects all things concerning me
- He anticipates my wants and needs
- Every day He tells me and shows me how much He loves me
- I don't have to perform in order to earn his love
- He keeps all his promises
- No one can influence his opinion of me
- He is the ultimate intimate partner
- He can't "disown" me because I am part of him
- He prepares a table for me
- He covers me and doesn't expose me
- He wrote his loving words down so that I'll never forget how He feels about me
I encourage you to print out the list and place it somewhere you'll accidentally come across it, i.e. a journal, the crevices of your junk drawer, or between the pages of your Bible. I know I find encouragement notes in the most bizarre places, but they're always the perfect thing for the moment. So maybe you'll do the same.
I know Valentine's day has come and gone, but we should never cease to show love-agape, storge, etc.- to others around us. And in the times you don't feel appreciated, remember God is always there for you.
"God is love."
-Tori
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